So I find myself on a ship filled with tourists and it seems like I’m a visitor from another mindset. I can’t grasp the ignorance of the passengers and at the same time I envy it in a way, does being ignorant really mean that you are entertained by sloppy put together theatre productions and bad karaoke? Does it mean I will be happy if I can own a small model of the ship? Or a fanny pack with the company logo? Will I smile every time I see a picture of myself in a frame that looks like a rescue tube? Cause if so then I might want a simpler life, a simple mind, that will make me smile like an idiot at spectacles put before me that are only for show.
I want meaning, I want things of meaning. Experiences that are unique and evoke real emotion, experiences that let me learn about other ways of existing. I would much rather spend my time talking to the staff on the boat who all come from different countries, I’d like to know who, why and where. Maybe photograph these people. But I get nagged by the peope I’m on this backwards ship with that ” oh we have to hurry and go watch the all star dancers dance some mindless nonsense because it will enterain our simple minds”.
Sigh
Maybe I am too harsh, but it is so painful for me, it’s more of a punishment than a relaxing holiday. And even though I have tried I cannot be made happy but what is being offered to me.
All I have enjoyed so far was snorkeling because it was like an escape to another world where ignorance can’t be voiced.
The tourists are surprised when we stop at a city,” I didn’t know there were cities in this country” tge tourists dont know the currency of tge country we are visiting, the tourists dont know what language the people of this country speak, and worst of all, the tourists keep calling everywhere we go “an island” when it is clearly a part of the very same continent they live on. The tourists keep asking me silly questions because I’m “so clever”, but I’m so tired that things that are simple for me to understand seem like mountains of intellectual struggle for the tourists.
So for someone who studies art I have found that I like very few other art students, I don’t know if this is a normal occurrence, or if I’m just a real bitch, but I find the insincerity and pretentiousness of my fellow students extremely off putting. I don’t want to be friends with people like this, haven’t we all had enough of it? Or is this a way of being I should accept in others? I have tried but I can’t try as hard as I have to.
Do I have to?
Does my success as an artist depend on my ability to get along with people that repel my core?
I’m scared also about this being the case.
I like to think I care more about making art than I do about just being an artist.
But then I think maybe I’m just another pretentious art strudent, and this scares me most of all.
